SATURNS RETURN

I'm not usually into new age astrology based bullshit but my bestfriend Mel is, and has on more than one occasion scolded me for my sarcastic attitude to her wanting to 'smudge' my ex-boyfriends bad vibes out of my apartment. HA!

But of late I've had a whole bunch of bizarre balls go down and it got to the point where I even considered that said ex had cursed me and was at home each night sticking pins into a headless barbie doll aka me. I was discussing said bad vibes with my girl Natalie from Ladies Lotto who in turn told me to google Saturns Return. So I did. And I've pasted in the relevant bits for you below minus the wordy hippie shizz:

"The first Saturn Return marks the end of youth and the beginning of the productive adult years. It is now that you truly become an adult--not at eighteen or twenty-one. You realize your need to define yourself as an individual within society and to demonstrate what you've learned...... 

This transition into adulthood is often accompanied by a sense of urgency, a feeling that you must try to accomplish everything you've ever wanted or planned to do now. Goals start to come sharply into focus. If you have not settled into a definite career, or have been pursuing one that is inappropriate for you, you'll experience a strong push to establish yourself in a more fulfilling occupation. Sometimes this means a complete change.

Saturn strips away illusions and points out limitations, allowing you to view yourself in a harsh, often unflattering light. At the same time, it endows you with prudence, practicality, and the perseverance to work hard toward achieving your purposes. Consequently, this is a good time to rearrange your career or lay the foundation for a new one."

I definitely wouldn't say I view myself in an unflattering light but I've definitely had some finer moments of smartening the fuck up this year ranging from my attitude, change in job, launching my business, choice of men vs bro's and even the mass spring cleaning of my wardrobe. Hell I had to take a plate of festive food to my family Christmas lunch this past year which I definitely see as a raging sign that my irresponsible years of youth are well and truly over.  

So this whole Saturn thing is all well and good, and holds a fair amount of truth for me, 'cept it aint meant to happen until you're 30. And although I may look a little weathered at times when I've had a big night on the piss, I'm seriously only 25! Fuckers. So something is mad up with my hormones/maturity right now because it seems I'm 25 going on 31.

Either that, or the pins in the doll thing. Creeptown.

VICTORIAN ROAD SAFETY - DON'T BE A DICKHEAD

I'm posting this mainly for the Internationals amongst you who haven't been barraged by the Australian media flouncing around about this new series of road safety ads.

Each State in AU is ruled by a different roads ministry, and this latest piece of offensive genius comes out of Victoria which is home to the capital le cool 'Melbourne.' The videos were released yesterday and are aimed at young drivers telling them 'Don't be a dickhead' by talking on your phone whilst you're driving or tweeting behind the wheel.
 
The main concern with these clips is the overt racism and bad taste - despite the loosely fitted blanket of humour they've attempted to hide this in. The jokes are highschool level, and look to be written and produced by someone of a similar age and maturity level who got a handy cam for Christmas off their parents.

It's a world reknown fact that Australia is largely racist and stunts like this - by the government no less - only further work to cement us as a backward cage of animals in the eyes of the international community.


 
Congratulations once again to the Government for epicly failing in your plight to be 'cool' in the eyes of Victorian youth. Max Markson would do a better job at PR for you right now rather than the middle aged suburban bat who signed this piece of shit off.

The only consolation for me is that at least my state taxes didn't fund it.

(View the entire series HERE on VicRoads youtube channel)

BIKER CULTURE

Those of you who follow my twitter may know that my unicorn aka my Vespa got stolen and trashed by two drunken thugs at 4am a few weeks ago... Here's a pic of what the tools did to her. Tried to hot wire it by ripping the front out, then dropped her when the cops drove up, thus smashing the full tank. When the cops asked what they were doing (they were apparently so wasted they didn't even put up a fight/chase) they said they were borrowing her because they couldn't get home... Anyway...
I'm not getting another bike now as I have Dolores and she is killer... But I am now left with all my bike equipment like gloves jackets and helmets which was so fucking hard to buy - WHY you ask? Because when I got a bike and decided to ride I made a conscious decision I didn't want to look like a fuckwit.

There are three ways to look like a fuckwit when you ride a bike
1. By not wearing any protective clothing, ie no jackets or gloves or closed shoes
2. By wearing the standard practise protective clothing, ie an Ed Hardy inspired jacket and a helmet like Roger Ramjet
3. By ordering all your equipment from Italy and looking like Euro trash straight out of the Lady Gaga Eh Eh (Nothing else I can say filmclip failure...)

It took me so long to find a plain black jacket with all the protective mod cons like kidney protection & plastic shoulders but without emblazoned racing stripes in a patronizing pink colourway.

Or you can look like a Euro fuckwit who only rides a vintage vespa and thinks they're an Italian player from a Mafia family. Then you'd wear this piece of homo shit on your head.
RIP Unicorn

NEW BLOG

If you follow me and my girl Grace on twitter then you'd know that we're pretty hilarious and often conduct conversations via the twit with little regard for blocking up other peoples feeds with our meme hastags and overuse of the phrases 'thank you' and 'very good.' Soz.

Occasionally however, we conduct conversations via Skype messenger or via text message - meaning the world lays privy to our hilarity in this twitter downtime. In the interest of ourselves, we decided to combat this with a basic blog detailing our conversations. Its aptly named Conversations with SJ and Grace and can be found at http://chatswithsjandgg.tumblr.com/

Read it and weep (with laughter)

DENIM FOOTWEAR....

....Is 99% heinous and really shouldn't be considering what a staple jean is across a variety of clothing cuts. I have some epic denim sandal wedges from Sportsgirl as well as denim Air Max 90's and all I REALLY need to make my Canadian tuxedo complete is pair of denim boots. Doc Martens would be nice, or some military style thugs for my footsies.. But all I can find is this Euro trash inspired Mykonos club wear that looks like it was originally a pair of boot cut jeans with dick whiskers. Or something Diesel made in the 90s...

If anyone actually wants to but them you can do so here. Please stop reading my blog if you take that path. Thank you.

ANOTHER IMPULSE PURCHASE

A return ticket to Tokyo in June! WOO!

Other famed impulse purchases of '10 have included a red '89 model BMW, a Marc Jacobs tote and a 6L bucket of Neapolitan ice-cream which was so big it didn't fit in the freezer.  It did however fit in my belly.

Arrigato mutha fuckers! Travel tips welcome.

THE RULES OF SUCCESSFULLY ATTENDING MAGIC

OK this post is delayed because I'm busy/stressed/owning life. I went to MAGIC in Vegas in Feb because I am opening a business in Australia and I needed to look at/buy shit. Anyway, this is what I learnt. 

So basically I learnt a lot from being in Vegas at the shows this week, mainly about what I should and shouldn't do next time I go...

1. Take photos if the brand will let you, this will help remind you what you bought
2. Write down what stock you bought and how much you spent, this will help your cashflow sheet until the orders get emailed to you in the following weeks (will also help stress levels)
3. Write down a detail about someone when they give you their business card, this will help you sift through the hundred or so you collect
4. Trade in the fur coat in your luggage, this will help the weight restrictions when you're lugging 30 look-books and umpteen 'zines home
5. Make all your appointments in the afternoon, this will help when you're hungover and don't get out of bed
6. Don't go out until 6am every night, this will help your sanity and breath the next day
7. Take someone with you who can be the brains behind it all, this will help your business
8. If you take someone with you take another female, this will help your accessibility to the hoards of hot men
9. Stay at the Hardrock, this will help you getting home every night (because you'll be there anyway...)
10. If you really care about your business a lot, know better than to go to Vegas and just do all your ordering online

Yup. Vegas broke me.

HOUSE OF HOLLAND X LEVIS

This pic is smoking. Her eyes are sex, the shoes are lust and the dress is desire

Image via Nitrolicious

MIXED BUSINESS

Tonight in Sydney after Semi-perm

FOXY HAS THE ILLEST MANI

And Jay-Z looks like an awkward teenager...

BEST PARTY IN SYDNEY

Crooks is hands down the best party in Sydney, probably the world actually.

Next Sat night will be tight.

Stoop steeze pre-drinks, girl-gang. Thank you. 

MATTE NAILS

Thoughts?

I think they look like a school room chalkboard

And we all know that nails and chalk boards don't go together. Right?

Think Sister Act 2 classroom scene. Thank you.

Via Highsnobette

MOB SPRING 2

Blah blah blah everyone blogs the same pics and the same boring coverage of the smoking line... Whatevs. Let's please focus on possibly the biggest stroke of genius in this lookbook which is the fact that Leah is modelling her own line herself. And looks killer.

*Applause*

Fucking fire. Love it.

GIRLFRIEND MAGAZINE

Tween queen glossy mag, Girlfriend profiled little old me in their 'Girl-Inspired' section in the March issue...

 It's a little untimely now that I have in fact left MTV - but I s'pose that's past the point right? Tween role model y'all! Least I'm better value than Bingers?

"Sarah Jane, inspiring pre-pube tweens to sell their souls to a life of media sales since 2010..." RIGHT ON.

MOSCHINO

Moschino Cheap and Chic Ready to Wear

Clearly I need these boots, what better way to kick someone up the arse then with a gold toe